All-around Breakdown: Dissecting Knelt Before’s Be Drinkable with Mark Johnston (Lovehateheromusic)

Mark Johnston of Knelt Before (CREDIT: photographer unknown / SOURCE: Mark Johnston)

I’d like to introduce to you my friend, frequent collaborator, a truly genuine person, and one of my personal favorite musicians, Mark Johnston of Knelt Before. Knelt Before very recently dropped their second full-length, Be Drinkable, the follow-up to one of my favorite albums of 2022, Be Nice. Now, take it away, Mark! Be Drinkable and everything I write and perform is dedicated and geared towards Atlas, my son. He is currently nine years old and is autistic and speech delayed. My music serves as a way for me to pass on life lessons, advice, cautionary tales, and general information on how to be a good person and live a positive life. Be Nice, the first album, was a bit more direct—the songs were a conversation between him and myself; whereas, Be Drinkable is pushing a little more into the meta-level. There are still some direct conversations, but there are, also, some that are more conceptual in nature while still having a pretty clear lesson. Everything was recorded, mixed, and mastered at home. The other guys in the band haven't been available over the last eight months and so, I have decided to do everything myself and Derek [Woodard] & Don [Rossington] come and add things when they can. Everyone is cool with it because there are a superfluous amount of songs to choose from... the well is never dry. So, if I release 10 or 20 songs on my own, no harm... right? Here are [the] stories behind the stories that make the songs on Be Drinkable. Be Drinkable itself is a riff on a Henry Rollins spoken word bit I heard 20 years ago about his travels in Japan. There was a sign in a hotel room that said, “Be Drinkable,” meaning the water was potable. But he took it to mean: be fluid, be like water, when the world is getting on you... be drinkable (sorry Henry, not a direct quote, but the best recollection from 20 years ago since I have lost the [Live at The Westbeth Theater] CD.) I loved that CD. When I wasn't touring, I just drove around the country, checking stuff out, listening to that CD. I digress... SONGS!

Atlas growing up absolutely terrifies me. I had an interesting childhood and my teenage years were frightening and very unorthodox. This song is written from a parent's perspective of trying to figure out what is going on inside a teenager's mind. However, the content is written from my perspective of trying to understand what was going on with my first girlfriend—a romance I wasn't ready for and, ultimately, ending in tragedy and me being traumatized against dating for a few further years to come. Hormones are a crazy thing, they make you make decisions that you can't come back from. Nowadays, you can take that a million different ways—for me, I had a girlfriend that had such low self-esteem, even I couldn't bring her back from the brink; best summed by the last line, “love is permanent, life is not.”

This is a literal "don't drink the Kool-Aid" song. First verse: don't let people and their negative attitudes get to you. Focus on what you do have: family and friends. Second verse: don't let people get you worked up about your life choices. Some people are Christians, some are Budhists, some are vegans. You do you and let others be themselves. "While veganism sucks, it's always better for the cow." I'm vegan and straight edge. My wife is neither. Atlas is not a vegan. By virtue of him being nine, you could call him “straight edge,” but I'm not gonna count it until he's 21 and old enough to choose for himself. Breakdown: "people don't agree, but can still be friends, this is not how the Earth ends..." It used to be that we could have civil discourse about political and social beliefs without resorting to name-calling and threats. Now, people resort to personal attacks and fatalism, instead of trying to find common ground. I miss being able to express beliefs and have a conversation about it with someone... Last verse: don't buy into labels. I don't get along with a lot of straight edge or vegans because I don't agree with how violent and closed-minded they are about it. Goes back to the civil discourse. When I was a touring musician 20 years ago, I had a "straight edge" hoodie that I wore all the time. I never pushed my beliefs on other people or preached about being edge. If people had questions, I answered. I never spoke for the movement and I only spoke of my personal experience. I feel like my choices are personal and not for me to "convert" people. You do you.

Ugh, this one's gonna get me blubbering... I originally wrote this song about 12 years ago, but never finished it. Over the years, I added bits to it and recorded a version of it I wasn't all that happy with; but when an incident occurred last year, I found an important perspective that had been missing, and was able to finish it. When I was in Lovehatehero, I had a friend in Boston, “Boston Anthony” (Anthony Crowe.) He was the most amazing, nice guy and a wonderful friend. We spoke often, but not enough and whenever we were in town, I would make an effort to see him. When I left Lovehatehero, it was a very dark point in my life. I lost countless friends, a lot of money, and was pretty misanthropic for a long period. I didn't realize how many fair-weather friends I had and how many opportunistic jerks there were in Orange County. The only person that stuck by me was my friend, Cody, who I had known since early childhood. I decided to leave California and move to Oregon.

While it was the best decision of my life, during that period Anthony died suddenly and I didn't learn about it until a year after it happened. While I have had death in my life, I had not felt the loss of a loved one like I did for Anthony. I was so mad at myself for only finding out a year after it happened and not having contacted him while I had the chance. I let the negativity of my situation blind me from what really mattered. From there, I tried to reconnect with some people that I had met on tour that were still talking to me. I reached out to quite a few people to apologize for my absence and was able to reconnect with three people that turned my life around. Natalie was the girlfriend of a member of a band that we toured with that decided to stop talking to me because he broke edge (like I care...) and pretty much cut off Natalie and me in one fell swoop. However, Natalie never cared about what band I was in or whether or not I was popular—she was happy to hang out and be my friend.

Chris was in a band that we had no business sharing a record label with. Dude is covered head to toe with tattoos. I have none. He was in a crazy Hardcore band. I was in a Pop-punk/Metal/Emo band. But, again, he didn't care and he liked me for my goofiness and the "funny way I tie my shoes." We have been friends for almost 20 years and he supports everything I do, whether he likes it or not. He has a beautiful family and is finally being rewarded by the universe for being a beautiful human being. Aaaand, then, there's Pete. Pete was the singer of the band with Chris. We were introduced in 2005 and stayed in touch through the years. I helped him get through his English classes in school. I bought everything he put out. I was so proud of everything he did. My one dream in life was to make enough money to support him doing music full-time because he wrote the most touching, personal, important lyrics I had ever heard. Every time my family came through Florida, we would go out of our way to see him.

We saw him last April before a cruise that we were going on and he took us to a park to go for a walk and talk and, then, eat. During the walk he said that his cancer was in remission and things were looking up. He looked great, was in good spirits, and was getting ready to move to Georgia. After I got home, I sent him a shirt that I had specially made for him and (just like every band I've ever been in) even though he didn't like the music, he still sported the shirt and supported me. Three months later, he was gone. He never let on to me or Chris, for that matter, that his cancer had gotten worse. I was so mad I cried for days. Days. I have tears now remembering how hurt I was at the whole situation. I was ready to shut off all over again. But I remembered: Pete gave me almost 20 years of friendship and happiness. Pete introduced me to Chris. And even though there was a p*ssing match amongst a number of people about "who knew Pete better," it doesn't matter. I am thankful for everything I have. Being Pete's friend made me a better man. Being Chris' friend, Natalie's friend, Anthony's friend—every life that I have come into contact with—has made me who I am today and I am so thankful for that.

Atlas has always been a perfectionist. He never crawled; he went straight from being on his back to walking. He took forever to talk, but when he did, he had learned specific sentences to repeat (instead of creating spontaneous speech) and spoke them very well. This song is me letting him know that, while you may feel that you have to be perfect and you may beat yourself up over it—I still love you and it is okay to fail. Everything in life comes in waves. Sometimes, you just have to ride it out and see what happens. I am currently dealing with that exact situation and, let me tell you, it is HARD to hold on to hope, but you have to because, sometimes, that's all you have.

Trying to do the right thing is tough. You think you did the right thing, did all your research, are doing something for a noble reason... and, then, it all falls apart and the world pushes back hard. I got my Bachelor's and, then, my Master's and became a teacher. [Come] to find out, it wasn't about teaching kids, it was about keeping kids held back, so that the school could get more money because the kids were performing so poorly. I became a firefighter to help my community, only to find out that there are crazy politics and drama involved. I just want to run E.M.S. calls, fight fires, and save kittens. I was a corrections officer and almost lost my firefighting certification and law enforcement certification because someone was jealous of me doing a good job and flat out ["Me Too'ed"] me. I got fired, she said she made it up when the state interviewed her and I had no recourse. There were six of us that were hired at the same time. Turns out, we were the first batch that was state-certified (the corrections center we were at was previously privately-owned and the staff was not background-checked or vetted.) None of the six are employed there and the corrections center was shut down for a while for a related issue; but, for all the crap and nonsense, I am now a fire marshal and in a better place than I was, had I stayed in any of those positions. So, yeah, things may look dark, but there's something positive on the other side, you just have to see it through.

Skate Punk [silliness]. The song is like a D.A.R.E. [Drug Abuse Resistance Education] P.S.A.; a parent trying to be cool and relevant.

This song is about taking responsibility for your life and for the events that have led you to your current situation. I was asked if it's a religious song. I am not a religious person. I am a moral person, just not religious. Stretching out your hands and taking responsibility is, for me, opening yourself to the universe and accepting what comes. You could adapt it personally to God, Satan, Flying Spaghetti Monster, whatever. Just another song about taking responsibility for your life. I think this concept is lost on a lot of society. It always has to be someone else's fault. We're quick to point fingers, sue, threaten... no one wants to talk things out anymore or accept responsibility and apologize. It's crazy.

I quit my job last year. I was an I.T. director. One me, 400+ employees, five states. I did it for five years and finally had enough. There were a few songs on Be Nice about my former employer (“I Think It's Best If You Just Leave Me Alone” and “Make Your Own.”) I saved up enough that I didn't have to work for about a year and quit. Even though my friend was the owner, it was pretty anti-climactic. I went on a cruise shortly after and had a terrible time— riddled with guilt for leaving them in a bad situation by quitting. I eventually realized that I needed to do it for me and I was in a better spot, but by that time, I had to start looking for another job. I applied at over a thousand places and got four responses. Not job offers, not interviews... RESPONSES. I have multiple degrees, years of experience, and all kinds of recommendation letters and references, but for the lack of responses, the rejections, the nonsense, I was repeatedly told, "the right job is out there, you just haven't found it yet. Everything happens for a reason." You try not to roll your eyes at hearing it repeatedly, but you $5,000 and would guarantee a job... Thankfully, I JUST found a job and things have improved, but for a very long time, I was frightened at the prospect of simply not finding a job. People telling you “it'll be okay,” but you want to grab them by the scruff and shake them; "It'll be okay? With no money? Potentially losing my house? It'll be okay?" To you job-seekers—[my] heart goes out [to you].

Take control of your destiny. Quit hoping for something to happen to you and get out there and do it. Even with all the rejection lately with finding a job, I never gave up—I went to events, I submitted numerous applications, I networked; things I've never done before in hopes of some kind of outcome. Even though my salvation came from an unrelated source, I still learned a lot of valuable lessons from the process and the failure.

Another perspective on all of the struggle—no matter what you are going through... you are loved. This is what I want Atlas to know every day. All of his struggles and all of his successes, I am right there alongside him. I am so proud of my son and everything he has accomplished in his short time on Earth. This is me letting him know that I will always root for him and I will always be there for and love him.

This is a pretty literal one. I am doing all this music as a way to document my thoughts and lessons as a parent. I hope to be around for a long time, but who knows what will happen. I have health problems, I don't take great care of myself, I am a firefighter (structure and wildland,) and constantly go on wildland conflagrations. Tomorrow's not promised. So, I want Atlas to know I love him more than anything as many ways as I can say it and give him a few tidbits of advice.

Remember being a kid and having your parents say that they went through the same thing and you said, "no you haven't! You don't know anything about what I'm going through!" They did... this is me making the same statement that my parents did, but screaming it. It's funny looking back on how fatal and life-ending adolescence was... but, actually, wasn't. Always moving forward and only looking back. Reminisce, but don't dwell.

Remember playing in the street, playing hockey in the cul-de-sac. Leaving the house first thing in the morning and not returning until well after dark? No cell phones, no check-ins? Our parents trusted us, they trusted our communities, and they knew that we could take care of ourselves. We could go to concerts, get the living crap beat out of ourselves, and return the following night for more. We could head walk, jump on each other, fight for the singer's mic to scream the best part... this is a eulogy for all that. Now, if you let “your kid be a kid,” you will go to jail. If you hurt someone at a concert, you'll get sued. There's no more “boys being boys” because it's toxic masculinity. Kids don't have a way to find their own identity because one is pushed on them by their parents or teachers or society, in general. I don't really see us coming back from this and it really saddens me.

This one is for Atlas AND my wife! She hates my music, but supports what I do and I am very thankful for her being in my life. We have a beautiful life together and while not without its struggles, we have endured. In a funny sense, we have a practical love. I love spontaneity, she likes consistency. I am letting her know that while I like being crazy and would love to tour the world again and get into all kinds of trouble and fun, I am equally happy spending time with my family, going on cruises, and exploring the world with my family instead of a band. This probably sounds weird and lame to a kid, but this is love. Additionally, this is as close as I feel that I can get to writing a Mew song. I love that band. If you haven't heard of Mew, do yourself a favor.

Knelt Before’s Be Drinkable cassette tape cover (SOURCE: Bandcamp)